The Difference Between Looking Sexy and Feeling Sexy

We’ve all had that awful moment in a fitting room. The fluorescent lights are glaring down on you as you fuss with the zipper of an item that looked oh-so-sexy on the rack. You finally zip up and turn to face yourself in the mirror. Ugh! It fits all wrong! It’s too short here, and it’s too tight there. You fuss and squeeze, and then you try a different size. Only now it’s too loose! It’s gapping in all the wrong places it’s hugging you all wrong!
 
Why does clothing that’s supposed to look sexy make us feel so terrible?
 
I’ve been thinking about this question a lot lately. I was looking for something to wear to a friend’s fall wedding and I was so frustrated. One dress had a plunging neckline that made me feel way too exposed. Another one clung to me way too tight. But then, when I tried on a looser dress with a playful pattern it fit me like a potato sack!

 That’s when I realized, maybe it’s time to rethink what we’ve been taught about sexy clothing!

 
For a long time what was “sexy” in fashion was all about showing skin. Think about the miniskirts of the 60s and 70s. Or the extreme plunging neckline that J. Lo wore on her infamous green Versace gown in the 90s (and again, at New York Fashion Week, last month! Wow, she still looked incredible!).
 Image result for j lo green versace dress
If you’re comfortable showing a ton of skin, more power to you! But for most women, super skimpy clothing only “looks” sexy in theory. When we actually pull it on, it feels super awkward! We definitely don’t feel carefree and confident like J-Lo strutting down a fashion runway. Personally, when I work up the courage to wear something risque, my mind races imagining possible wardrobe malfunctions! And when I do figure out how to sit up straight and walk just so—well, I feel stressed out and restricted! I definitely don’t feel sexy enough to shimmy across a dancefloor!
 
The truth is, it’s very hard to look sexy when you don’t feel good. So, when you’re looking for something sexy to wear, it’s way more important to focus on how the clothing makes you feel.
 

And let’s get real, it’s almost 2020. Isn’t it time we rethink “sexy” outfits and put how we feel first?!

 
As I looked at the mess of hangers and dresses piling up in that fitting room, I asked myself what it would be like to feel sexy instead of worrying about looking sexy.
 
I realized that I simply can’t feel sexy if I don’t feel relaxed and comfortable. Sexiness is a sensory experience. Think about how good it feels to touch a piece of luxurious silky soft fabric. Now think about how it feels  to have that fabric draped against your body as you move through a room. No sucking in your tummy, no fussing with your hemline. The piece you’re wearing has been cut just right—it hugs your curves while giving you freedom to move in all the right places. When you move, it moves with you—effortlessly. Are you picturing this? Don’t you feel sexy?
 
When you feel good in your skin, that’s when you truly look amazing. That’s why fabric and fit are crucial. If you really want to feel confident and sexy, you have to seek out items that are cut just right, in fabrics that will feel good against your skin. Way too often women are sold shapewear or other items that are designed to restrict your shape and smooth you out. But we all know how uncomfortable that feels. A better way to feel sexy? Start with a beautiful fabric and, then, select a cut that highlights your shape without hiding it.
 
One of the sexiest items I own is the Clara Sunwoo signature ¾ sleeve jumpsuit.
The fit cinches at my rib-cage, and the wide-legged pant lets me move freely. But most of all, I love the way it feels against my skin! Whether I’m hitting the dance floor at a wedding, or just walking across the bar to meet my date, I love how it covers me, without hiding or restricting my shape. I ended up ditching those dresses in the fitting room and wearing it to the wedding. And guess what? I felt sexy in it and I looked sexy, too!